Air Rage… Sort Of


I haven’t really had air rage since I was in college. I used to get incredibly stressed out while flying and I hated dealing with l the people.

Since moving to New York, at the minimum, maybe longer, I haven’t had any problems. In fact, my flights go near-perfect.

Today, everything is going smoothly tech-wise. It’s just the other passengers that are being ass monkeys. I got in a little tiff with this stupid bald dude in a v-neck sweater at the coffee stand because he and the woman in front of him weren’t paying attention to the line, so the cashier motioned me over. The man threw a FIT. I wanted to punch him in his flabby nutsack. My face got bright red, I could feel it, and I wanted nothing more than to spew a string of insults at him, but I contained myself. He tried to play it off that he was just defending the woman in front of him, because SHE, he claimed, didn’t see the cashier. Note: I tried to get both of their attention and was unsuccessful at both. The cashier and the woman both apologized to me. The cashier even offered me a free pastry. Alas, stupid milk allergy, I couldn’t accept it.

On the plane to Seattle, after some serious finagling with Emmy’s cage trying to get it under the seat, the seats around me started to fill. And who should join this crowd but two obnoxious Connecticut frat boy types. The man next to me wanted to sit next to his girlfriend, who was behind us. So they tried to negotiate with the frat boys, and then with me about seats. But I had Emmy. I couldn’t move, without a lot of annoyance, especially after it took so long to get situated in the first place. The guy next to me told the guys behind us that I couldn’t move because I have a cat. And the frat boy in the middle seat freaksed out. “I’m SO allergic to cats!! Omg, I’m already feeling the effects!” What the fuck ever, stupid boy. He wouldn’t even have noticed if my seatmate hadn’t said anything. Dumbass. So then he and his brother (the other frat guy) call their mommy up from a few rows back and she starts freaking out and trying to get him moved. Meanwhile this guy isn’t even having a reaction. The snotty ex-model-type flight attendant just sneered at him and explained that the cat was in a cage and wouldn’t be coming out of it, and that there was no dander flying around. She left and I was left with obnoxious boy voices bitching about my cat. Meanwhile, Mr.”Allergic” wouldn’t switch seats with his mommy because he doesn’t want to sit in a seat that didn’t recline.

For the record, he was perfectly fine for he whole five hour flight.

In the SeaTac airport, where I am now, I took Emmy out to stretch her legs and she collected a few fans–all old ladies who were missing their own cats–and got a lot of lovin’.

In about four more hours we should be in Anchorage. I can’t wait!


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